I Guess Heaven Couldn't Wait and Can You Hear Me? by Liz Paez - Guest Post

Photo by Joanne Olivieri Poetry by Liz Paez

I was given these two poems by a friend of a friend. It touched me in such a profound way that I see life in general a little different as a result. These poems are raw and poignant and come directly from the heart and soul. Poetry is born in the soul and these two poems clearly display that aspect. Life is fragile as so eloquently versed through this poetry.

Being of such a personal and tragic nature, I want to personally thank Liz Paez for allowing me to publish her poems and to Julie for sending them to me.

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Let me give you some background on this first poem. Liz's Grandma was killed in December of 2008. Little information is known except for how she was found. Based on that information and the events that happened that day, Liz wrote this poem - I guess Heaven Couldn't Wait.

I Guess Heaven Couldn't Wait

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
To depart her from this life
If only Heaven could have waited longer
So that I could have said goodbye

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
To have her by it's side
My life left to be filled with tears and fears of the evil I might find
Why did it have to end like this?
Why did she have to go?
Everyday it becomes much harder, Please God I must know
Who is responsible for this death?
Who is guilty for her taking?
So many thoughts have crossed my mind
But still no progress am I making

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As the men went through her door
Picked her up and pushed her down
Face planted on the floor
Kicking and screaming she begged for them to stop
Continuing to struggle as the masking tape dropped

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
Her rosary clenched in her fist
Reciting a short prayer, "God help me through this."
But this time there was no answer
No, there was no reply
She waited patiently for her final moments to go by
Thoughts about her children and the grandchildren she had raised
Wishing them a happy life and for them to live long days

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As they tied her hands together
Taped her mouth and beat her
Then they ended her forever

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As they realized what they had done
Hid her lifeless body in the closet
Then began to run
No one said a word, no one suspected a thing
Who would have known the amount of pain one phone call could bring
"Mom is missing," my aunt told my Dad.
"I don't know where else to look."
Tears rolled down her face as her whole body shook.
"We'll find her tomorrow. There's nothing else we can do."
My Dad tried to comfort her, but deep down he knew.

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As the sun rose the next day
Family hoping and crying as they'd pray
"I found her," my aunt said, my Dad silent on the line
"She's gone, they took her, we ran out of time."
"No" my Dad said, "It can't be true."
He dropped to the ground, not knowing what to do.
He couldn't believe his Mom had been killed for no reason at all
These men took her life for 80 dollars, an amount so small

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As my Dad dialed my number
This moment in my life, I so strongly remember.
"Hello," I said, "Dad, I'm busy, I'm working, what's up?"
From the tremble in his voice, I knew something was wrong
And then he told me the worst news of all

I guess Heaven couldn't wait
As I drowned myself in tears
Ran into the arms of a stranger as if I had known him for years
Who would have known of the trauma and the nightmares that were to come

I've lived that day more than once, as if I was there and watched her die
Everyday I think about her and can't help but cry.
I wake up in the middle of the night, looking for her by my bed
and then reality hits me, and I remember that she is dead.

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This next poem in succession was written by Liz on August 19, 2010. Liz returned home to her Grandma's house for the first time since she died and wrote the following poem.


Can You Hear Me?

Can you hear me? I am here now, it's okay
I'm sitting here where you were forced to lay
I feel the weight of your hand on my shoulders, telling me to be strong
The tears are rolling down my face as you tell me that you were never gone.

Can you hear me? I can't hold back my tears. This place is not the same anymore,
not without you here
I'm so scared right now, as I sit where you took your last breath
My body is getting hot as my tears combine with sweat

Can you hear me? I think about you everyday
I can't do anything except to let my mind have it's way
Replaying the event over and over, again and again...
you being helpless... I want that memory to end.

Can you hear me? I'm here and came to talk to you
If you weren't my guardian angel, I don't know what I would do
I talk to you everyday and even though you don't speak, I know you are around
To keep me safe, to guide me through this... I just wish those responsible could be found.

Can you hear me? Inside I'm screaming your name, PLEASE DON'T GO!
It's so hard for me to say goodbye... I have to take it slow.

Can you hear me? I know you can, you have since your last day...
I miss you and love you, and in my heart you will forever stay.